All women deserve to have the final say in the circumstances of their birth. No pregnant woman would deliberately make a choice that would endanger her baby.
These two statements are the heart and soul of my reasons for beginning this website. Every time someone asks (as if it was any of their business) which hospital my baby was born in and I reply, "He was born at home" the responses range from mild surprise: those who have heard of home birth, but "never thought you were the 'type'," which, in itself, drives me nuts, as I believe there is no "type", to eye-rolling dismissal ("Oh, you always have to be different, don't you!") to outright indignation that I would "endanger" my baby "so selfishly" ("But, that's so DANGEROUS! There's no DOCTOR!" and "No 'experience' is worth a baby's life!").
All these reactions betray a staggering depth of ignorance that I, myself, was party to not nineteen months ago. The difference is that I wanted to educate myself, as my initial pre-natal caregiver was not. interested. in educating me, or in my education of myself, which is why he was my "initial" and not my "ultimate" caregiver, and devoured as many books on pregnancy and birth as Amazon could send me. I learned a lot.
Before I enunciate the smidgen of my learnings, I need to make a disclaimer, and will start by stating the obvious: every woman, baby and birth is different. My experience ended in a safe and successful homebirth, and, while I have, in the past, been seen by extensively insightful and compassionate OB-GYNs, such was not the case with this birth. This will show through in my subsequent comments, both on "what I learned" and "how what I experienced applies to 'what I learned'."
I learned that the labor process is a biological necessity for both the mother and the baby, that important hormones are released during labor which help the mother to not only "forget" the pain of labor, but also to form a deep and unrelenting bond with her baby.
I learned that the due date is not The Day You Have Your Baby, Amen, but, actually, a midpoint within a healthy period when the baby can safely be expected to be ready to birth itself, and that to induce a baby to come before it is ready is not statistically ideal for the health of the baby, nor for the future chances of the mother to conceive and carry another child.
I learned that birth is not something that is done by someone else, but something that the mother and the baby work at together. ("That's why they call it 'Labor'!" my midwife would chuckle.)
I learned that a first-time cesarean birth statistically reduces the number of subsequent pregnancies that can safely be delivered naturally (although, statistically, it is safer to have a natural delivery after a C-section than it is to have a medicated birth, or another C-section)...and that there are only so many cesarean births that, again, statistically, can be done with relative safety for Mom, let alone each individual baby.
I learned that one does not necessarily need an army of trained specialists, who are also complete strangers, standing impersonally at the ready to intervene if your birth does not proceed according to the "average", formulaic birth.
I learned that if the first time mother is shy and inhibited in the presence of strangers, than she runs an ever greater risk than normal of having her labor "stall" once she arrives at the birth place staffed with aforementioned strangers.
I learned that a model of care depicting a harried doctor (or his staff of equally harried midwives) with less than fifteen minutes to spare for your endless questions - which, incidentally, they make no pretense are anything less than annoying - is only one option out of several, and that if you prefer to put yourself in the hands of a practitioner who schedules only two due dates per month (see above, re: due dates! :P) and who will spend upwards of an hour with you each visit, will meet with you outside her office, and who will spend that time getting to know you personally, and, drawing from her previous experience, will counsel you not only on staying healthy during your pregnancy, but also on effective methods for an efficient labor and a productive bonding period, then that is your right in most states. And it is nothing less than a crime that is not an option in ALL states.
The above, and a thousand other things I learned, which I hope will unfold in due time over the coming posts, are why I chose to birth my baby at home, in the company of a competent midwife with thirty years of experience as a licensed medical practitioner, her assistants, our doula and a dear friend. I know some mother with MUCH more experience birthing babies than I have who do make the informed choice to birth in a hospital. That is their right. It is where they are comfortable and it is where they have the most confidence in their baby's health and safety. I understand it, but I don't empathize with it, and while I am sure that they understand me, I am equally sure that they don't empathize with me either.
And that's not a bad thing. Let me be absolutely clear: I don't think that everyone should have their babies at home. I think that every woman deserves to have her baby where she is most comfortable having it. I firmly believe that "what mama feels is right" is the best option for her. Another of the many things I learned is that the woman who trusts her instincts is the smartest woman there is. Also, I feel that the distinction between "understanding" and "empathizing" is underrated. For example, I can totally understand why DH like jalapeno peppers. As I, myself, do not enjoy them, I can not empathize with his enjoyment.
